im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
