I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
