i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
