i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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