Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
