I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
