You can't motorboat a personality
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
