i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
