High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
