I'm gonna have a badass scar
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
