shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
