turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am available for nakedness
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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