im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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