Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
