i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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