And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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