Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
