good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
