Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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