wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
