I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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