Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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