Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
