I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
