Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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