Nicole vs. Life
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history