She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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