Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."