boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are