Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
