Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots