Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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  (860): I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass http://tfl.nu/kwec
  Replies (24) Good night (1473) Bad night (5264)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!

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  (603): thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful! http://tfl.nu/mwds
  Replies (60) Good night (3412) Bad night (7816)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.

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  (516): Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer. http://tfl.nu/tp9x
  Replies (5) Good night (2323) Bad night (866)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

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  (316): If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already. http://tfl.nu/vt4q
  Replies (13) Good night (2853) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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  (613): Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground. http://tfl.nu/deou
  Replies (9) Good night (2544) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we already have meals planned for the weekend.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

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  (864): we already have meals planned for the weekend. (1-864): SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL. http://tfl.nu/xo3s
  Replies (13) Good night (5040) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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  (601): there are ass prints on the hood of my car. http://tfl.nu/hwv7
  Replies (10) Good night (3060) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.

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  (937): The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it. http://tfl.nu/hbg0
  Replies (9) Good night (2508) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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  (914): I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem. http://tfl.nu/p4yj
  Replies (3) Good night (1181) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank

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  (775): Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers. (1-775): Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank http://tfl.nu/28ka
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.

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  (239): Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows. http://tfl.nu/ni5n
  Replies (7) Good night (543) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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  (646): We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman. http://tfl.nu/a2vv
  Replies (8) Good night (592) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown

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  (647): Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown http://tfl.nu/pnt1
  Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped

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  (806): Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped http://tfl.nu/37q2
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."

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  (603): Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face." http://tfl.nu/jkkv
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (408)

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