the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
