Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
