Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
