yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
