Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
