A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
