I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
