I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
