I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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