Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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