OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
