yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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