I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
