Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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