Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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