Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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