My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
