You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
