He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
