Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
