a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
