Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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