just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
