Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
