The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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