it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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