Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
