I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
