She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
