how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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