so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
