i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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