There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
