I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.