if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.