Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
