my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him