Hey man sorry I got all grabby
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
