Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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