If i could tip my vagina, i would.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
