so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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