Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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