She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
